Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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