I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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