and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
