I think my vagina is haunted
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
