My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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