I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
