wanna go halves on a baby?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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