You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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