man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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