I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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