Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
