When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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