I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
