He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
