I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
