If i come over, it means nothing
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
