Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
