She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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