Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
