I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
