Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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