Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
