What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
