Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
