I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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