i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
