thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
