Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
