Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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