Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
