Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
