I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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