I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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