i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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