I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
People in love make me want to vomit
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
