He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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