Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
