i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
