You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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