kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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