the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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