Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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