i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
