i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
