You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
