at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
