Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
