she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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