I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You need Xanax blowdarts
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
