I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
