You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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