I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
