Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
