Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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