I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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