yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
