Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
