Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
