Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
