Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
