My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Two words: blizzard sex
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
