I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
