I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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