Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It was confusing and full of hummus
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
